My Final Post

Speak Up

I believe that in life you lose when you hold back. I believe that when you don’t speak up and state how you feel then you’re missing out on something that could change the rest of your life. Why is it that most people are so scared to state what their heart or mind feels? I admit I am guilty of holding back in my life but I also can admit that those times are some of my biggest regrets now. If only I could have realized in those moments that speaking up could have changed so much in my life. Life is for living and learning, but you’ll never learn if you are silent and merely existing.

Have you ever been sitting in a math class and the teacher starts talking about equations and there are more letters in it then there are in the entire alphabet? All you do is sit there and nod your head but all the while you’re freaking out inside. You never get the courage to ask what any of it means because it seems like everyone else understands exactly what the teacher is saying. Then you get home to start the brutal homework and you’re completely stuck, because you never asked for help or spoke up. I have always been that way especially in math classes and my grades reflected that true.

A few years ago I fell head over heels for my best friend, I never once told anyone. I tried to hide my feelings for fear of rejection. I also tried to make him jealous so that maybe he would be the one to open up and say something. I know why I didn’t say anything and it was fear of two things happening, rejection and ruining a friendship. Recently I was talking to him and it somehow came up, and I completely admitted how I had felt about him. And the most heartbreaking part of it all was that he felt the same way. Neither of us could speak up though for fear of something bad happening, but rejection would have felt better then knowing what I know now; we could have had a relationship.

I am a very stubborn person; I rarely will admit that I’m wrong and even more rarely do I even think I’m wrong. I have such a hard time stepping forward and saying sorry first, especially because 99% of the time I still think the other person is in the wrong. I will hold back until I can’t stand not having that person in my life anymore. But I do regret a lot of the friendships I’ve let go because I can’t just suck it up and say I’m sorry. Life is too short to spend any time mad at someone for silly reasons and stupid fights.

Let someone know that you love them, always say I love you before you leave someone’s presence, tell the people in your life just how important they are to you, do not be scared of love and sharing your emotions, ask questions if you’re confused and most of all don’t hold back because later in your life that will be what you regret. If I could go back in my life the only things I would change is when I didn’t say how I felt in the moment. Simply put follow your heart and share how you feel.

*After writing this essay I realized how much I needed to follow my own advice more because I was starting to slack. I texted the best friend whom I fell for and told him just how much I missed him. We ended up having a talk about us and what should have been.
We’re both frustrated with ourselves for not saying anything when we had to chance, that proves this essay true. Speak up.

I'll be seeing you,

Amanda