Rachel Maxine Cody

It's possible that you have heard of her recently maybe on the news or in the paper. She passed away a week ago from falling off of Grand Dad's Bluff here in LaCrosse. She was in her senior year at Holmen High School. I had the privilege of going to school with her, of being in classes with her, and of knowing her. I can't even explain to you how this has twisted my life around. This girl was amazing in so many ways. I want you to picture the happiest person you know; that was Rachel times 10. She was truly a one of a kind girl. I miss her.

When I heard of the news I was thankfully in my hometown; Holmen. I could be surrounded by the people who knew her which is exactly what I needed. I was in complete shock though when I heard, it had yet to hit me and that itself was so hard. I went to a bonfire that someone had so people could just be together. I stayed there for a while, we talked about her, cried about her, and just remembered her. I stayed in Holmen that night for comfort. The next day my friend Zack asked if I wanted to meet him at the high school, I was very hesitant to go there. When I was a freshman I again lost a close friend, Conor McLaughlin, I know what the school would be like. I knew the tears would be streaming down so many faces, the hugging would be unstoppable, and everyone would just being in the state of missing her. I didn't know if I could handle that atmosphere again, but I went in hopes that maybe it would hit me or at lest maybe I would find comfort in some friends and old teachers of mine. I did break down a few times at the high school and it was a struggle to keep walking through the halls and talking and hugging everyone you came in contact with. It took a tole on me and I could only stay about and hour and a half. As I drove away from the school I immediately lost it. I wanted her back, I wanted to go back to school and search the halls for her because I felt this still all couldn't be true. I came back to LaCrosse I was planning on going to my class for the day but I just didn't have the strength. I packed up a bag and headed to Holmen, I so badly needed to be where my heart still is.

I worked all weekend which was a good distraction. But I knew that once Monday hit and that I had to go to the wake that I would not be in the best state of mind. I met up with some friends of mine and hers. We had all taken CNA together and TC. We all drove together and the whole way there we moaned and groaned about how we just couldn't do this, how it could not be true. As we walked up to the church my heart sank low into my stomach and I felt sick. I did not believe that I had the strength to do this, yet again. We walked in and a gentleman handed us the piece of paper which had Rachel's picture on it, some of her favorite things, a description of her, the wake and funeral dates and times, and of course the obituary. I kept starting at her picture, I kept missing her smile, and I stayed strong. I looked at the pictures her family put together. I waited to go inside the church. I looked over to my right and I saw her boyfriend he had to walk out of the church I'm assuming from the stress and just everything he had to deal with. And out of no where it had hit me. Tears immediately started pouring out of my eyes, I was heaving. I got farther into the church and close to seeing her and her family and I could not keep it together. I then saw my best friend, Ben, and he grabbed me right away and held me while I cried my heart out. I continued to walk into the room where she was. I met her family, I know where she got her spunk from, and he amazing eyes and smile. My friend Cassie and I held hands as we walked up to her. I don't remember much after that it was all just a mess of crying, hugging and shaking. I needed Rachel in that moment, I needed her there. She was gone..

Tuesday morning I woke up after only 2 hours of solid sleep. I was exhausted and again I thought 'I can't possibly face this day where we say our final goodbye to our friend.' It was pouring rain and it made perfect sense. I met up with a couple of the same people as the even before. We drove separate to the funeral because we all had obligations after it, sadly. We walked up to the church again with our stomachs turning and hurting, and our blood shot eyes from the night before. There were already so many people sitting down and waiting, we were over an hour early. We decided to say our last goodbyes to her and go into the room where she lay one last time. I cried so hard, I begged for her to wake up. We went and sat together and watch the beautiful slide show the family and funeral home had put together for her, and listened to music. I was doing okay, I was a bit weepy; then a picture showed up on the slide show that I know all too well, the one of us together. I simply lost it, I sobbed again while my friend held me. We sat and continued to wait for the service to start. I kept saying how I just don't want it to start because then it's really over, then she is really gone. The service was amazing in so many ways. I miss her more then ever and my heart is still aching. I know she is our angel and I am so thankful I knew her.

At Holmen we have lost 9 students in the past 5 years. Our hearts are still hurting. We need time to heal and be okay again. I just pray Holmen gets a break. All of you are in my hearts and prayers.

But because I knew you, I have been changed for good. - Wicked

I'll be seeing you,

Amanda