Family

In my life family has never been stable, they always seem to leave, and they always fight about everything. My mom is my constant but with this whole marriage thing she doesn't seem to really be there anymore. So all in all I have a very empty feeling in my heart.

I was at my friend Tyler's house, who I dated for 7 months but it's been an on and off thing for over a year now, and I was talking to him and his brother about the whole situation and how I'm so beat up from it. I mentioned how I have no family around here really other than my mom and his brother looks at me and says while pointing all around his house, "that's not really true." I stopped in thought, I stopped feeling sad, and I realized how true that was. Their family has become my own. Now when I keep thinking about this it nearly brings me to tears. I know I'm so close to them but I guess it never hit me just how close they also felt to me. I love this family like I have loved my own. I know I can always count on any of them. They have welcomed me with open arms. I shouldn't be scared of my mom leaving because I know that I do have people around me that love me but I still struggle because she has been my only one. But I will be okay, I have them, I can get through this.

I keep thinking about family now, and I've done this before, but what is family? How do you define family? I suppose I have a rather large family really. Most of my close friends could be considered family, and even some of my co-workers. There are people who have been with me through so much and stuck right by my side..longer then any of my other true blood family. Family is who you make it, and who makes you, you. I have many people I could go to in an instant and I know they would be there for me. Maybe family isn't supposed to be who is in your blood line, maybe they just get you started in life and help build you..maybe your real family comes together once life starts falling apart; it's who is there for you at the end of every day.

Family may be defined different to me if my parents hadn't gotten a divorce but obviously that happened and it changed my life. Things were revealed about everyone and who they truly were. It has destroyed so much of me going through it. But I suppose over all it has really made me a better and stronger person. There are times when I hate my parents for getting a divorce because I don't know what a normal family setting is like; but I do realize if my mom stayed with a man who cheated on her in the end we would all be more hurt from it.

I enjoy the family I have, the family that has become mine without being blood related, the family who has just always been there for me.

I'll be seeing you,
Amanda